This guide is written for anyone who was present, nearby, connected, or affected. If the event impacted you, you are part of it. Many people minimize their own experience because they assume someone else has a more legitimate claim to grief, fear, or disruption. Trauma does not sort itself by proximity alone. If you are carrying this, you belong here.
Not everything in this guide will fit everyone, but may it serve as a companion in the hours, days, and weeks ahead.
Sighs too Deep for Human Words: A brief reflection from Pastor Kaji
Here in New York City, violence is familiar. We walk the city streets in heightened awareness. True New Yorkers have our protocols for protection. We assume an armor when we step out of the home. Sometimes we need the armor inside the homes, too. Violence is tragically part of what it means to live here.
There are times when things pop off beyond the routine. That’s a different kind of familiar. I’ve stood at the bedside of far too many youth who caught strays. Some survive, some do not, and I hate it.
I abhor this violence. Our church is committed to stopping the cycles that lead to it. We love the children through it all.
In each violence instance, we respond directly. That is episodic. But with mass shootings, sometimes we aren’t able to be in every place at once. The spilloff of impact can be beyond our capacity to respond individually. And with the latest spate of mass shootings that have directly impacted our members, I have wanted to compile a resource that they can read themselves and share with the people they know. Perhaps you would like to do the same.
Our lives are marked by far too much violence. The Lord our God is especially close to us in each instance. The Lord our God is so close to us in these experiences that Jesus went through it himself. In other words: God knows.
As God knows, we have to know that while the violence is something to name, it is never the end of the story. Wounds heal, when they do. And when they do not. When. They. Do. Not. We weep, mourn, shout, die a little ourselves.
Beloved: weeping may and will spend the night. God’s promise is that joy comes. It comes. It will come. If you are in a season of weeping nights: God bless you. God sees you. It will not always be like this. Your morning joy is on the way. Until then, I hope this guide can offer a bit of a picture of what you might feel, do, consider.
God be with you, beloved.
Pastor Kaji
What’s Included in This Guide
- After a School Shooting: A Pastoral Care Guide from Pastor Kaji
- In the Immediate Moments
- In the First Few Days
- Age-Specific Pastoral Care
- How to Support Someone Without Making It Worse
- NYC-Specific Help
- Finding a Mental Health Professional
- Resources
- Action Possibilities
- A Closing Word
- Questions About God After a School Shooting: A pastoral and biblical reflection
- Bible Study After a School Shooting: A Scriptural Study for Grounding, Prayer, and Shared Presence
After a School Shooting: A Pastoral Care Guide from Pastor Kaji
I. In the Immediate Moments
Start with steadiness
After a school shooting, the nervous system can stay on high alert. Decisions feel harder. Words feel scarce. Your body may feel unfamiliar. Begin here.
Try to:
- Take a beat. Pray. Sit down if you can.
- Drink water. Eat something small.
- Breathe slowly when overwhelmed. Place one hand on your chest and one on your belly.
- Reduce exposure to videos, graphic details, and constant updates.
If you were present or nearby
Many people believe that they have to earn care by being “most affected.” If you were there, near there, connected to someone who was there, or even if your sense of safety changed afterwards, your reaction is real.
Common responses include:
- Numbness, shock, trembling, nausea
- Anger, guilt, shame, confusion
- Hypervigilance, insomnia, intrusive images
- Feeling “fine” and then suddenly not fine
All of this can be normal in the first days.
What helps in the first 24 hours
- Stay with safe people. Do not isolate.
- Choose one person to help with logistics and communication.
- If you need to talk, choose one calm person. Telling the story repeatedly can intensify distress.
- If you cannot stop replaying what happened, get professional support early.
II. In the First Few Days
Give yourself permission
Some people cry. Some people cannot. Some people want details. Some people do not. People grieve and process in different ways.
Try to:
- Keep routines where possible.
- Say yes to practical help.
- Limit media and social feeds, especially video.
- Expect delayed reactions.
When to seek professional help sooner rather than later
Reach out if you notice:
- Panic that is escalating or unrelenting
- Inability to sleep for multiple nights in a row
- Persistent intrusive images or flashbacks
- Increased substance use to numb out
- Thoughts of self-harm, hopelessness, or not wanting to be here
- A child who becomes inconsolable or seems “not themselves” for several days
Needing support signals your humanity.
III. Age-Specific Pastoral Care
A. Young Children (toddlers through elementary)
Children often don’t have words for their feelings. (They aren’t the only ones.) Their bodies will speak.
What you might see:
- Clinginess, tantrums, stomach aches
- Sleep disruptions, bedwetting, regression
- Repetitive play or questions
How to support:
- Keep explanations simple and truthful. Answer only the question asked.
- Reassure through presence: “I am here. You are safe with me right now.”
- Maintain routines. Predictability heals.
- Limit adult conversations within earshot.
What to avoid:
- Graphic details
- Long explanations
- Promising that nothing bad will ever happen
B. Teens and Young Adults
Teens often live in two worlds at once: intense feeling and practiced performance.
What you might see:
- Humor, sarcasm, or numbness
- Anger, withdrawal, irritability
- Fixation on safety and “what ifs”
- Doomscrolling, replaying clips, obsessive research
How to support:
- Offer choice: “Do you want to talk, take a walk, sit quietly, or do something normal together?”
- Validate without lecturing.
- Encourage sleep, movement, food, and real connection.
- Watch for isolation that hardens.
C. Adults
Adults often try to be strong for everyone else. The body keeps score anyway.
What you might see:
- Exhaustion, agitation, emotional swings
- Difficulty concentrating
- Irritability and impatience
- Deep fear about sending children to school
How to support:
- Name what is true: “This was terrifying. Your response makes sense.”
- Ask what is needed today, not forever.
- Accept that your capacity may be lower for a while.
- Get professional support if the nervous system will not settle.
IV. How to Support Someone Without Making It Worse
Try:
- “I am here with you.”
- “You do not have to carry this alone.”
- “What feels hardest right now?”
- “Would you like practical help, quiet company, or conversation?”
Avoid:
- Pressing for details
- Explaining motives or speculating
- Spiritual shortcuts that rush meaning
- “At least…” statements
Prayer can be a refuge. Prayer can also be experienced as pressure if it is used to silence grief. Let prayer be companionship, not a command that someone feels differently.
V. NYC-Specific Help
Immediate emotional support, 24/7
NYC 988
Free, confidential emotional support and crisis counseling by phone, text, or chat, available 24/7/365 in more than 200 languages. (NYC 988)
- Call or text: 988 (New York City Government)
- If you prefer texting through the NYC service: Text WELL to 65173 (NYC 988)
Mobile Crisis Teams in NYC
If someone is at risk of a behavioral health crisis and needs in-person support, you can request a Mobile Crisis Team through NYC 988. (NYC 988)
When to call 911
If someone is in immediate danger or needs urgent medical attention, call 911. (NYC 988)
VI. Find a Mental Health Professional
Our Church’s Counseling Referral Partner
Kenwood Psychological Services
Phone: 212-744-2121 or 800-937-8437 (kenwoodpsych.com)
Email: info@kenwoodpsych.com (kenwoodpsych.com)
Mail:
Kenwood Psychological Services
124 East 84th Street
New York, New York 10028 (kenwoodpsych.com)
Please tell Dr. Kelly that you learned about us through the church.
VII. Resources
These are trusted, trauma-informed guides that serve different age groups.
- The Jed Foundation: How to cope with traumatic events (teen and young adult support) (NYC 988)
- Yale Child Mind Institute: Helping children cope after a traumatic event (children and caregivers)
- American Psychological Association (APA): Coping with traumatic stress (adults and families)
- The Healing Guide: Inspired by The Color Purple (grief, healing, and restoration)
- National Child Traumatic Stress Network: Psychological First Aid Field Operations Guide (clinician-informed, practical)
- Safe Horizon: Supports survivors through counseling, advocacy and legal aid, often with free or very low cost options in crises.
VIII. Action Possibilities
Some people find action a safe and effective route through their grieving. When and if you feel ready for this, these are culturally appropriate organizations with which our church is aligned.
Life Camp, Inc. Erica Ford’s legendarily effective violence prevention and intervention organization based here in the City. You can be trained in their model or support their work in other ways.
Moms Demand Action: part of the Everytown, USA network. They have a running docket of policy initiatives that you can plug into immediately.
IX. A Closing Word
If you are tired, you are not failing. If you are angry, you are not wrong. If you are numb, you are not broken. You are responding to the unimaginable. Our prayers and love are with you.